You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
