Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
