it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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