Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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