420 ftw
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
