I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
