i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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