best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
