he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
