So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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