Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
