when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
