I haven't been this sober since birth.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
