I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
