I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
