hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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