are you so shy because you have an std?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
