I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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