Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
