He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
