idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I want to have your abortion
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
