His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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