did you get engaged???
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
