im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
