I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
