my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
