I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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