Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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