oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
