the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
