Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
