Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
