Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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