Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
