so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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