you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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