I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
