My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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