I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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