I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
