11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize