I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship