what day is it and did you see me today?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen