So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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