Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?