I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
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This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.