he wants to bone in the snuggie
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
