The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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