i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
