Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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