my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
