My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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