Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
