I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
