I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
