Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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