I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
