I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
