today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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