that's an acceptable place to lick
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
