Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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