Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
