I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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