true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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