You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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