I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
