somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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